An Introduction to ‘THE BIL’

There is a lot of content out there for the career girl or the first time mum, but what about those of us who feel as if they are in a weird state of limbo? Those of us who know change is coming but we’re not exactly sure what that means. Those of us who want to take the next step in our lives but have hesitations and perhaps concerns. Those of us who have questions like;

“Will my life be as fabulous if I leave the big city and move to a small town?”

Or;

“Will I still wear Louboutins once I’m changing diapers?”

And even;

“How will I afford balayage once I have a mortgage?”

Yes, these are all first world problems that in the current state of affairs do seem completely irrelevant. Yet we have a right to feel how we wish to feel. Besides, what about the more serious questions we have about the next chapter such as 

“Will I be content giving up the life I know and living a more humble and quiet life?” 

“Will it make me depressed?” 

“Will I live with regret?” 

“Why do I feel like a failure?” 

“What if I’m not a good parent?”

These are all thoughts that bounce around inside my head at least twice a day. You see, I have spent the last decade trying to attain a fast paced and an adventure filled life. A life full of the things I love- fashion, culture, nights on the town and romance. I have always been driven and had copious amounts of ambition. This determination and tenacity propelled me to go after everything I wanted in life. My dreams. And as much as I believe that dreams can come true, I am yet to own all of mine.

I have wanted to be on Broadway since I was eight years old and sadly it hasn’t happened for me yet (unless you count performing at The Lincoln Center…). It has almost happened many times but I am yet to cross ‘that’ off my bucket list. I have spent the last ten years doing everything in my power to make it happen for myself. I moved across the world, left everything I knew, didn’t even have a bed to sleep in for the first three years- all to make it happen. It was part of my life plan. Get on Broadway and then settle down and have children…

But 2020 derailed my plan. I had one year left to really go for it before it seems to be the right time to start a family and ‘settle down’. So, I was auditioning every day – sometimes for three shows in one day! I was out there, getting call backs and then… New York City went into lock down. Making history by closing Broadway!  In fact the show I almost went into never even opened. It was set to open within days before Gov. Cuomo banned large gatherings. Things changed, changing all of our lives forever. Bringing about a lot of uncertainty. 

At some point during this new way of life, I started to wonder if I were ready for the next chapter to begin now. I mean, I don’t have a job and supposedly I have some eggs ready for fertilization. But how on earth do you start a new chapter before finishing the last? What about closure? How do you move forward when it feels like you’re missing some information- that information being clarity or the green light for the go ahead to begin a new journey. Or how, when you have spent the last two decades of not giving up, do you just let go?

Well, I decided to share my thoughts whilst in this limbo period. I like to believe I am not alone feeling this way. I think 2020 made a lot of us reevaluate what is truly important in life. How little we need to be happy. The importance of being surrounded by people we love. It has also been a great reminder to not take anything for granted. 

Now even though this particular blurb is a little serious, this isn’t going to be a spiritual kum-by-yah site. I plan on writing posts that are going to be real, honest and open. I plan to write and share with you how one day I want to live in a quiet little town full of busy bodies and then next how I think I’ll miss the homeless guy urinating outside Zara! And as mentioned I love to take care of myself- I love beauty products and shoes. So I’ll happily share all my life hacks with you too.

I finally have time to share all the things I have learned and the things I love! Lucky me! So be sure to get social, sign up for emails and check out the other sectors of my blog. 

Lastly, I want your feedback! I want to build a community for those of us who don’t know what box to tick when we are filling out forms. When we have to tick ‘single’ even though we have been in a long term committed relationship (with our life partner who may or may not have four legs and an abundance of fur). Those of us, who perhaps want it all but have had some major life interventions. Or even those of us who don’t know what the f*** we want half of the time! Thanks societal pressures and social media trying to influence us with the unattainable. Raise your hands if you feel like the ball in the game of squash? The ball that gets pounded into a wall and bounces in all kinds of directions? (My hands and feet are up- I’m pretty much looking like a cat licking its privates)… 

On that note I’ll end this post. I’m grateful you took the time to read what goes on inside my crazy little brain. If you want to read more, be sure to subscribe to THE BIL‘s mailing list and don’t forge to get scrolling and check out my other posts.

Live with love,

The Bimbo in Limbo xxxx

“How will I afford balayage once I have a mortgage?”